My Guardian Zero
by Nikirockztar95
Summary: Kaname wants to join Zero but he can't. He's trapped and he needs to escape. Escape the pain and the suffering of losing Zero...and losing himself in the process. Miserable and alone, Kaname knows that there is only one thing left to do... Angst, Hurt/Comfort and Romance. KaZe, Kaname x Zero, Yaoi. More information inside.
1. Guardian of Sacrifice

**My Guardian Zero**

**Summary: Kaname wants to join Zero but can't. Miserable and alone, Kaname knows what he must do. Kaname POV.**

**Warnings: Angst. Sadness. Sentimental Kaname. The promise of a happy ending.**

**Can anybody guess the two songs I was listening to while I typed this out? Brownie points if you guess. I'll tell you at the end. **

**This is in two parts. More information at the end of the fic. **

**Read, review and enjoy! **

Kaname sat in his room, listening to the clock. _Tick...tock...tick...tock_. It's never ending countdown echoed in Kaname's ears louder than it usually would. Since _that _day, time had ceased to matter to Kaname. Days and nights had mingled together to form an endless stream that had no meaning. Kaname still sat in the chair that he had resigned himself to three days ago. Because he was a pureblood, he didn't require food or drink and, because of his nature, he didn't crave nor want any company. He only wanted one thing. And he couldn't have it.

He wished that all of that time could be re-wound. If getting up and turning the clock back was possible, Kaname would have done it. He would have moved heaven and Earth to avoid this empty suffering that he was experiencing. He had always been alone – it was usually the way he preferred it to be – but now he had an empty chasm where his heart had been. Kaname leaned forwards stiffly, towards the ornate hourglass that sat on his desk. Zero had given him the hourglass as a gift, the twining roses representing his feelings toward the pureblood; symbolising how wrapped up he was with Kaname and that no matter what happened, they would always have time together. Kaname smiled sadly and turned the glass upside down, watching the grains of sand slip slowly through the tiny gap. This was how Kaname felt; that everything was slipping away from him. That he held the sands of time in his hands and now it was all sliding through his fingers and pooling around his feet as a means of escape. He could always pick the sand back up, but he would return with less than he had originally had. Kaname blinked slowly as he continued to watch the sand but returned the hourglass to its original spot on his desk, where it held pride of place at the centre back, so that he could admire it every day.

Kaname put his head in his hands. There was so much he needed to say, but he couldn't say it. It was simply too late. Or was it? Kaname stilled. He could always go and visit Zero. He glanced outside. The weather wasn't appalling; nor was it bright and sunny. The perfect weather to go for a walk. Kaname grabbed his coat and flung it over his shoulders, sliding his arms into the sleeves quickly. He reached out and picked up his black golfing umbrella in case the weather decided to turn against him. Kaname descended down the marble staircase in silence. The rest of the Night Class sat below, on the sofas in the entrance, but they didn't utter a single word. They knew from experience that when Kaname was in a mood, they would end up getting hurt if they asked why or how. But this time, they knew why. So they didn't say anything and let Kaname pass them by as if he was invisible or simply not there at all.

Kaname pushed his hair back from in front of his face. There was a mild breeze that was making his brunette locks err away from their original position on his head. He absent-mindedly pushed them down and was instantly reminded of the many times that Zero had pushed his hand through his hair. Kaname closed his eyes, imagining the sensation of having Zero's deft fingers running across his head and through his hair. Kaname opened his eyes, thinking that Zero would be there...but of course, he wasn't. He stood alone, clutching a bouquet of roses as if his very life depended on it. With a sigh, he moved forwards, his feet dancing gracefully around the headstones that surrounded him.

Kaname stared down at the white marble headstone with watery eyes. He felt his knees weaken and he fell down on them, sinking into the thick green grass that surrounded the grave in large tufts. Kaname's head bowed as his body started shaking as he sobbed. He was glad that the graveyard was empty. When it was full that day, he hadn't been able to do this. To cry. To let his emotions out. For the past few days he had been in a bubble, wrapped up tightly. Now he was being punished for holding his emotions in as he fell apart in front of Zero's grave. Still holding the roses, he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to still his body and stop it from aching as he cried. But it didn't work. Of course it wouldn't. The only thing that would still him was if Zero come up from behind, wrapped his arms around him, rest his head on Kaname's shoulders and whispered sweet nothings in his ear. But that wasn't going to happen. So Kaname kneeled as his body slowly stopped quivering. But the tears didn't stop falling. He reached up a hand to wipe them away.

Staring at the headstone, he wiped some leaves that had fallen on the top of the marble away. He didn't want anything to mar the beauty of Zero's resting place. Kaname steadied his shaking hand and placed the roses down on top of the plaque on the grass. The stark contrast was incredible. The deep red against the pure white. It reminded Kaname of the faint flush that would appear on Zero's skin after they had been together. Kaname smiled numbly. He would give up all the world to see Zero's smile looking back at him. Zero truly was Kaname's piece of heaven in human form. And it had been cruelly ripped away from him and now Kaname was left falling into the darkness. Kaname stared at the engraved name and ran his hand across it. _Zero Kiryuu. Died defending his loved ones. 10/07/12. _Kaname sighed. He needed to get some things out of his system.

"Oh Zero," Kaname started, unsure of how to start his confession. "Where do I begin? If you were here, you'd know exactly what to say. But you're not and it's just me so...I guess you're just going to have to be patient with me." Kaname said with a smile, the tears coming back with full force. "Of all the things I regret, it's that I wish I'd spent more time with you. All those times where I was away or studying, I could have spent them with you. We could have had so much more time together had I not been so selfish. I put my own needs before you and I apologise. There will never be any amount of words that will tell you how sorry I am. I'd do it all different if I had the time again. But you probably know that already." Kaname whispered. Yes, this is how we would do this.

"They said that it would bring some closure to say your name. But no matter how many times I chant, whisper and say your name, it doesn't seem to ease the pain I'm going through. I feel like there is a hole where my heart used to be and nothing could ever fill it. Except you of course. My heart was yours from the very start and I'm beginning to wonder if you took it with you when you died." Kaname admitted, shaking his head in an attempt to stop crying.

"I can't live with myself. The immense guilt I feel is slowly killing me. But I don't mind, Zero because it means I'll get to join you sooner than I had ever dreamed of. In fact, I don't see why I can't join you now. After all, my life is pointless without you in it. You _are _my life. My beginning, middle and end. My lover. My friend." Kaname let the tears roll freely down his face. He'd made his mind up. This was something he had to do. Kaname reached inside his deep coat pocket and withdrew a medium sized black box. Shakily, he unclasped the hinges on the front of the box and opened it, revealing the Bloody Rose nestled inside a plush plum velvet material. Kaname smiled as he remembered having the box made for Zero's gun.

Before the fight had broken out, Zero had handed Kaname the box and told him to guard it with his life and that he was only to use if the situation became too much for him to handle. Using it...touching it would hurt Kaname. He was allergic to the metal and allergic to the bullets that the weapon fired. Maybe Zero knew he was going to die that day. But he had smiled as he had given it to Kaname and pulled him into a searing and almost beseeching kiss that had melted Kaname to the core. He had pulled Kaname's face in between his large, steady hands and smiled before turning and running off into the distance. Zero had died doing what he wanted; defending his family and his lover. Kaname hadn't seen any of the fighting. Zero had made sure of that. Kaname wasn't delicate, Zero had known that, but had wanted to spare him the agony of killing his own kind. Besides, hadn't Zero joked that it was his duty as a Vampire Hunter to kill vampires in the first place. Kaname laughed, a hollow empty laugh. The irony of that fact. Zero had killed the vampires that had attacked Cross Academy...he did it brilliantly too. But he'd also killed Kaname in the process by dying himself.

Kaname blinked the horrible memories of that day away from the front of his mind, pushing the back into the numb darkness that was taking over him. He reached down for the gun, wincing slightly as he felt his skin react to the metal casing of the gun. Pressing on, he picked it up and laid it on his palm, ignoring the urge to throw the gun out of his hand to ease his pain. But this physical pain was nothing compared to the loneliness and mental agony that Kaname was experiencing now. Kaname gripped the Bloody Rose tightly, allowing the searing pain to flair though him, hot white and twisting. Slowly, he wrapped his finger around the trigger. Two more steps and this was it. It would all be over. He tipped the gun upwards, pressing it against his right temple. Kaname looked around the graveyard. Still no-one there. This was the best way. Kaname closed his eyes and imagined his Zero. His beautiful, carefree Zero laughing at a joke under the tree they frequently sat under in the Cross Academy grounds.

"I'll see you in this other life soon, my Zero. I'm never going to let you go."

Kaname smiled through his tears and pulled the trigger.

**A/N: **

**Now you have a choice you can either:**

** - End the fic here and have it as it is **

**Or**

** - Read the epilogue which officially ends the fic. The epilogue will be uploaded tomorrow. **

**Any reviews so far would be appreciated! What did you think? I know there wasn't much speech in it, but I thought it would ruin it. Besides, speech would involve effort and I don't think Kaname was in the right frame of mind to put effort and thought into talking to people.**

**Any typos you have seen so far I apologise for. When you re-read, you just miss all the typos. They actually look like normal words *INCEPTION* playing with my brain D:**

**Vampire Knight volume 14 in roughly 8 days guys! Can't wait! :D *this only applies to those who haven't got Volume 14 yet (I'm in the United Kingdom) and I refuse to read it online XD. * Eagerly waiting for Waterstones bookstore to text me when my copy arrives***

**Until the Epilogue!**


	2. Guardian for Eternity

**Epilogue**

**Aaaand here's that Epilogue you wanted. Mainly Kaname's POV but with occasional Zero perspectives.**

**FallingtotheStars – You know, your song choice seems to mirror a playlist on my iTunes! XD. Minus How to Save a Life that is :L. But well done, you've guessed part of my general playlist. The actual songs I listened to are at the bottom of the Epilogue :D **

**Nocturnal-Niccy616 – The Epilogue had to happen haha. I couldn't leave it there :O . Some people actually WANT a happy ending! *mock horror***

Kaname blinked as he stared up into the white nothingness. All he knew was that he was lying down. He couldn't tell if he was attached to the ceiling or to the floor. He couldn't tell which way was up...nor could he tell which way was down. Was he dead? Or was he alive? So many questions that he didn't have the answer to. Kaname sat up, bracing his arms and laying his palms flat against the floor or ceiling. Kaname assumed it was the floor, or gravity would have taken over by now and he would have come plummeting back to the ground. Or did gravity not exist here?

Kaname blinked. Something was heading his way. A figure, in the far off distance was slowly making its way towards him. Kaname made to stand but found that he couldn't. His arms were the only limbs that would support him. His legs felt like they were made of some weak substance, like jelly.

"I wouldn't try that, if I were you." A familiar voice called to him. Kaname's eyes widened as he stared at the figure. As the figure came into focus, Kaname felt like he could curl up in a ball and sob with relief. Silver hair, a slim but well-built body...there was only one person who, from a distance, fitted that description. And his voice. Kaname's eyes fluttered closed. He played those words over and over in his head, as if he were being caressed by the amused yet gentle words that his Zero had uttered.

Zero moved towards Kaname where he sat propped up on the floor. Zero smiled down at him and wordlessly sank to his knees before him. Zero pulled the pureblood into his arms and buried his head against his neck, inhaling the scent of his pureblood as if his life depended on it. Kaname wrapped his arms around Zero tightly, pulling him as close as possible from the positions they were both in. Zero smiled as he let the silent tears roll down his face. Kaname was wearing his usual black ensemble; the dark black leather coat and his black Armani suit, with a pure white shirt beneath it. They had always laughed when they had met up with each other. Zero who preferred grey and white, much like what he was wearing now: a grey shirt with casual trousers and bare foot, in contrast to Kaname's dark coloured suits and his dark brunette hair. Zero ran his fingers through that hair. How he had missed touching his Kaname like this. Just holding him. If he could do this for eternity then he would be an incredibly happy man.

Kaname pushed himself against Zero's chest and gripped him by the back of his shirt. He was finally here. Back in his arms. Kaname couldn't remember a time when he had wanted anything so badly. Badly enough that he had put the Bloody Rose to his head and committed suicide. As Zero stroked his fingers through Kaname's hair idly, Kaname wondered who would find his body, when they would find it and what they would think of it all. Not that it really mattered...he was dead after all. Well, he _hoped _he was dead. If this was a dream then Kaname really was letting his heart go too far with it all.

"I wonder what will happen to the Bloody Rose now." Zero murmured as he pressed his nose into Kaname's hair, breathing in the smell of shampoo and Kaname. Kaname laughed. Oh how good it felt to laugh again.

"Does it really matter? Kaien will dispose of it appropriately." Kaname mumbled as he enjoyed the sensation of having Zero touching him. Zero made a noise of agreement that was muffled by Kaname's hair. Zero shifted so that he was face to face with Kaname, dropping his arms and sitting next to him in the same position, so that their long legs were parallel and touching. Kaname nearly whimpered at the sudden lack of contact, but held it back. By the look on Zero's face, he was about to hear something that was important. Zero cleared his throat.

"I'm not allowed to say much, because I might sway you one way or the other. I have to tell you now that you can still turn back. It's not too late," Zero smiled sadly. "It's never too late." He added with a whisper, almost as if he didn't want to say it at all. "I can offer you two options. The first, you can turn back and return to the land of the living. You can resume your life as normal and live until you die." Zero paused as Kaname stared at him wide eyed.

Kaname didn't want to go back! His life wouldn't be normal without his Zero by his side.

"Or I can offer you my hand and I can guide you on to the afterlife. You will die in body but in soul you will remain. Remain with me." Zero mumbled, feeling himself begin to blush.

Zero rubbed at his eyes, trying in vain to wipe away the tears that were springing up. Zero knew that Kaname could just easily turn around and leave him again. But it would break his heart. He would have to watch over the pureblood as he suffered and then would have to watch him move on with his life...maybe marry Yuuki or some other pureblood and have children. And Zero wouldn't be able to do anything about it. After all, he was dead. But this was Kaname's decision, his alone. Only he could make Zero live a happy afterlife.

Kaname looked up. He knew what he wanted to do but was it the right thing to do? To leave all of those people behind him. Kaien Cross...Yuuki...Aido. The list could have gone on. But none of those people made him truly happy. He was content with them for a while but then he would think of Zero and they became meaningless. They didn't deserve to be seen as something they weren't. Feeling that his strength had returned to him, Kaname swallowed and stood up slowly. Zero stared at him warily and also rose to his feet.

"I choose the second option." Kaname whispered. Zero stood, glowing white, shocked. "I would never leave you, Zero. Never. When you died, you took my heart with you and left me in a body; a mere shell of the person I was before I lost you. Take me with you now and please...never let me go." Kaname pleaded, moving closer to the beautiful man who stood before him.

Zero smiled and held his hand out to Kaname wordlessly. Kaname stared at the hand for a second before reaching out and taking it. Kaname sighed as he felt the familiar warmth of Zero's hand in his own. This is what he wanted. This feeling of being at home, a place where he belonged. He belonged next to Zero, just as much as Zero belonged next to him. They were meant to be. But time had cruelly snatched any opportunities away from them when fate had dealt Zero's hand that day.

Zero's eyes lowered to Kaname's lips as he moved closer to the pureblood. Kaname smiled and closed the small distance between their lips as he pressed his mouth against Zero's. Zero swiped his tongue along Kaname's lower lip, seeking entrance. Kaname parted his lips willingly as Zero's skilful tongue slid slowly into his mouth. Kaname moaned appreciatively as Zero explored the hot cavern of his mouth. Kaname pushed his tongue up to meet Zero's and they slid against each other. Kaname possessed Zero's mouth as much as Zero possessed his. This was the way it used to be...the way it _was_. Together, they owned a piece of the sky as they melted into one another. Zero was the first to pull back, panting but with a loving smile on his face. Kaname flushed as Zero stared at him hungrily.

"We need to go, love." Zero said, his voice deep and seductive. It was as if Kaname was chocolate and Zero was an open flame; melting him slowly until he was a puddle of emotions and feelings. Kaname merely nodded. He couldn't form a coherent thought yet. Zero pushed his open palm against the side of Kaname's face, cupping it gently. Kaname sighed and rubbed against it like a cat.

"I would never let you go. Ever." Zero whispered. Kaname stared at him. Isn't that what he had said moments ago? "When I died, I left you behind. But you were never alone so please don't think that. For those few agonising days I sat here without a heart. I left it with you for company, Kaname. One moment I was there and the next I was gone, floating. But I have never experienced anything that was as painful as hearing you scream my name while my life ebbed away." Zero shook his head. I love you, Kaname Kuran. So stay by my side and let me love you...forever. We will live the life that we could have had. We're here...a brand new start." Zero whispered. Kaname smiled. This was what he wanted and needed to hear. A brand new start was exactly what Kaname wanted and, as long as he had Zero by his side, maybe he could live a happily ever after like in the fairytales.

Zero squeezed Kaname's hand gently, a reassuring gesture that made Kaname look up. He gazed into those beautiful glowing eyes and felt safe and secure. He was dead, but he couldn't have felt more alive. With a small tug, Zero led Kaname towards a long white tunnel. Kaname took a deep breath. This was it. No turning back from here. Kaname looked towards his Zero, his angel... his guide. Kaname tightened his grip on Zero's hand. He never wanted to let go and never wanted this to end. And it wouldn't. They had eternity after all.

Kaname sighed. Zero was his everything. His life. His death. His beginning. His end.

~The End~

**A/N: **

**Yesterday's songs:**

**Lucy by Skillet**

**One Day Too Late by Skillet**

**Today's Songs:**

**I'd Come For You – Nickelback **

**Savin' Me – Nickelback**

**Pieces – Red**

**Did you like it? Bit of a different ending. At first, I was going to have someone stop him and be all like "That's not what Zero would have wanted for you!" But then I realised I actually wanted Kaname to die so that he could join Zero. I know I'd be happier doing what Kaname did if I was that miserable and had nothing left to fight for. But maybe that's just me?**

**Until next time!**


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